Thursday, October 16

how did you all decide what you were to be, now that you're grown up?

The first occupational aspiration I can recall is wanting to be a flight attendant. They at one time had cuter outfits, they looked so put together, prepared, they were always more awake than I and definitely knew more about what we were doing that day - with all those hand motions and pacing the aisles concerned with every one's safety. At the age of 4 I started flying solo from Boise to Portland to visit my grandparents. Because I was so young, there was always one flight attendant who had special eyes for me, who would give me extra peanuts and a blanket and hold my hand to walk me in and out. These kind red and blue skirt suits probably influenced my desire to be someone in their position. I think a couple years later I learned they also received free flights, which prolonged the goal a couple more years.

Until I knew I was going to be a famous singer. famous was half of the goal, to be singing was the other. My friend Melissa likes to remind me that I am a dreamer and not as much of a realist. I am completely content being a dreamer unless I am predicting my arrival time to some destination. I think my days as a dreamer started the day my mind was set on the foresight of lunch with the Spice Girls being a normal occasion. Or how I justified not being called to missions at summer camp when half of the campers were. I prayed that I would simply give my first paycheck from record sales to the church and when I accepted my Grammy or Oscar (yes we're acting now too) that I would thank God in my acceptance speech and that would be the adequate extent of my missions work. It was that simple. If I had true desire and a goal (check) and an ability that could be trained and constantly improved upon (check) then why couldn't I be one of the ones to make it? I know! Maybe I watched too many motivational children's programs. This was my career goal for years. I hadn't necessarily thought about how I would get to the successful stage and the years of work and connections it would take. Wouldn't someone walk into Nampa, telling me I was exactly what they were looking for, whisking me off to Hollywood? I can't remember a day when this fame was no longer the goal. I think it was that I became passionate and interested and invested in other disciplines that happened to whisk me away themselves.
(I do about once a week dream about being the female secondhand man vocalist in a band, but smoky bars would be venue enough if the music was beautiful and fun for all to dance along to)

I studied the last four years to be a graphic designer. Not once did I waver. I fell into an outstanding learning environment and what I was learning to do with my head and hands just clicked. When designing with creative freedom, (not every detail dictated by the client) I feel like I am using God's gifting, in mind and trained hand. But what has changed, now being separated from the academic art making setting, is that I am not only soaking up every word from teachers and classmates, but instead I am expected to perform these skills to pay to be able to live. I still enjoy being stretched to think of creative solutions, I just don't know if I can even depend on enough design jobs to call that my career. And I haven't even done all the looking that I could. I guess I am re-evaluating, still in love with the idea and the process but I guess the dreamer is trying to be okay with the dream not panning out the exact way she expected- even though the desire is still true.

Today this is what I want to be now that I am supposedly grown up:
- A designer for people who let her think not only "place that shadow-dropped lion exactly, right...there". ( I understand I might have to do more of the latter in order to receive the former)
- An artist. I want to make work because I am given an inspired view that can contribute to those who might see it. And it's so fun! And it wouldn't seem like work. My specific hope with this would be to create greeting cards containing thoughtful, clever messages with nice drawings to compliment.
- A counselor. Being a recipient of counseling myself, I would be honored to receive the training to be able to help people grow in this way.
- A mother. Someday. What a gift that would be.
- A thinker.
- A contributer.
- A person who seeks, who wants to grow, who prays for help and guidance with that, and from that has more to give.

And in a few hours I will be a test taker, a paper writer, a coffee drinker, a talker, a listener, a reader, an Office watcher, an aspiring politically educated person discussing with others (this is getting a little old), and a sleeper (especially after this late night).

How did you decide what/who you were to be, now that you're grown up?


shaun said...

I am still in the deciding process, and am a couple years older than you. The first thing I can remember wanting to be was a professional baseball player. My first word was ball and they were all I cared about my first couple years of life. I then decided I wanted to be a pastor in the offseason, but I think I just wanted this because I thought it would make my dad happy if I said I wanted to be a pastor, and when I was 4 years old, making my dad happy was probably all I thought about. After 7 years of baseball, I realized I was sick of it and hated practicing. I was then in a punk band and I also dreamed of being a famous musician even though I was terrible at the time. The band broke up though and I gave up music for a few years. I then remember wanting to be an archaeologist because I have always loved ancient items and thought it would be incredible to be able to look through ancient temples and go searching for ancient Biblical artifacts like the arc of the covenant and such. Then you find out that maybe .01% actually get to do anything like that and the rest go dig in deserts to find a tip of an arrowhead. I think I was then dreamless for a couple years. Latest dreams have been being a luthier (guitar builder), furniture maker, writer, or still a paid musician of some sort. But I still don't know what to decide on, maybe a teacher, a lawyer, a barber, a contractor, an owner of some business, a stock broker/ day trader, or maybe none of the above. I don't know, but am dying to find out.

deb said...

I keep trying things until something fits. Never ever ever thought I would be good at or enjoy teaching, and to date, it's been one of my favorite jobs. But that didn't happen until someone else who knew me suggested it...

However, I did always enjoy photography, and it happened, little by little, until now it's my way of creating beautiful things AND making money. But it took a lot of patience, trial and error, and some fill in jobs to make ends meet. And prayer... so much prayer! And acknowledging any success -- verbally and financially -- to God.

Speaking of which, I definitely have Him to thank for this next job of mine... have you seen my latest post?

Jolleen said...

I wanted to be a missionary nurse because my mom was a nurse. I think about being a nurse now and it gives me the heeby-jeebies. I think the missionary thing might come full circle in some way though. But then I met Mrs. Nelson in fourth grade and decided I wanted to be a teacher. I have never deterred from that except for a brief flirtation with becoming a camp director. I am now in my fourth year of teaching and knowing more and more each day that it is not my is my calling. I fall in love every day and it is wonderful. If I could dream big I would start that dream by getting a Masters in Intercultural Counseling and working with and teaching children who have been freed from slavery.

Casey, Janelle, Ella, and Hadley said...

Trial and error. Disappointment and success. Finding myself in the process. Stumbling upon it. Staying with "it" for a while and then "reinventing" myself and then going back to "it". Trying things even if it's not long term. Its tough, but worth it. You're in such a great place, even though it doesn't feel like it.

marc said...

first, i realized as Uncle Tom says, guitar+drums+bass=girls. Then i realized that music is really awesome. then i realized that nothing besides making music for 40+...+ hours a week would make me happy. i love music.

katie henbest said...

yeesh. darn good question. and what a process that is! i've wanted to be a singer as long as i can remember...singer/songwriter the past few years. i would still love to do that full time, but am also realistic :). i'm teaching music again - now at a charter school (with the Harbor method just like Liberty...woo!) it took me taking a year off from teaching to realize that is what i want to do. i truly love it. i wish you the MOST happiness, whatever you decide my dear.

katie henbest said...

i always love your blogs, and well, i wish you would post soon. ok? :)