The first occupational aspiration I can recall is wanting to be a flight attendant. They at one time had cuter outfits, they looked so put together, prepared, they were always more awake than I and definitely knew more about what we were doing that day - with all those hand motions and pacing the aisles concerned with every one's safety. At the age of 4 I started flying solo from Boise to Portland to visit my grandparents. Because I was so young, there was always one flight attendant who had special eyes for me, who would give me extra peanuts and a blanket and hold my hand to walk me in and out. These kind red and blue skirt suits probably influenced my desire to be someone in their position. I think a couple years later I learned they also received free flights, which prolonged the goal a couple more years.
Until I knew I was going to be a famous singer. famous was half of the goal, to be singing was the other. My friend Melissa likes to remind me that I am a dreamer and not as much of a realist. I am completely content being a dreamer unless I am predicting my arrival time to some destination. I think my days as a dreamer started the day my mind was set on the foresight of lunch with the Spice Girls being a normal occasion. Or how I justified not being called to missions at summer camp when half of the campers were. I prayed that I would simply give my first paycheck from record sales to the church and when I accepted my Grammy or Oscar (yes we're acting now too) that I would thank God in my acceptance speech and that would be the adequate extent of my missions work. It was that simple. If I had true desire and a goal (check) and an ability that could be trained and constantly improved upon (check) then why couldn't I be one of the ones to make it? I know! Maybe I watched too many motivational children's programs. This was my career goal for years. I hadn't necessarily thought about how I would get to the successful stage and the years of work and connections it would take. Wouldn't someone walk into Nampa, telling me I was exactly what they were looking for, whisking me off to Hollywood? I can't remember a day when this fame was no longer the goal. I think it was that I became passionate and interested and invested in other disciplines that happened to whisk me away themselves.
(I do about once a week dream about being the female secondhand man vocalist in a band, but smoky bars would be venue enough if the music was beautiful and fun for all to dance along to)
I studied the last four years to be a graphic designer. Not once did I waver. I fell into an outstanding learning environment and what I was learning to do with my head and hands just clicked. When designing with creative freedom, (not every detail dictated by the client) I feel like I am using God's gifting, in mind and trained hand. But what has changed, now being separated from the academic art making setting, is that I am not only soaking up every word from teachers and classmates, but instead I am expected to perform these skills to pay to be able to live. I still enjoy being stretched to think of creative solutions, I just don't know if I can even depend on enough design jobs to call that my career. And I haven't even done all the looking that I could. I guess I am re-evaluating, still in love with the idea and the process but I guess the dreamer is trying to be okay with the dream not panning out the exact way she expected- even though the desire is still true.
Today this is what I want to be now that I am supposedly grown up:
- A designer for people who let her think not only "place that shadow-dropped lion exactly, right...there". ( I understand I might have to do more of the latter in order to receive the former)
- An artist. I want to make work because I am given an inspired view that can contribute to those who might see it. And it's so fun! And it wouldn't seem like work. My specific hope with this would be to create greeting cards containing thoughtful, clever messages with nice drawings to compliment.
- A counselor. Being a recipient of counseling myself, I would be honored to receive the training to be able to help people grow in this way.
- A mother. Someday. What a gift that would be.
- A thinker.
- A contributer.
- A person who seeks, who wants to grow, who prays for help and guidance with that, and from that has more to give.
And in a few hours I will be a test taker, a paper writer, a coffee drinker, a talker, a listener, a reader, an Office watcher, an aspiring politically educated person discussing with others (this is getting a little old), and a sleeper (especially after this late night).
How did you decide what/who you were to be, now that you're grown up?