Wednesday, December 17

i hadn't seen the other half of my heart for a while

I just had the best Christmas in Kansas. Really really. I have life to arrange back in Nampa today, but once I get pictures and time I will tell you all about it.
About ribs, baking for 7 hours, theatre, lights, shopping, food again, catching up, games, letting guards down and love.
I am blessed.

Thursday, November 27

happy thanksgiving

I am in Portland relaxing. Relaxing? Yes. I am thankful this is a part of the requirement on this day.

I have tried to make it a practice to live, without planning or hoping for the next month, but living in the current. And it has been a blessed, simply fun time. There of course are still responsiblities to prepare for and take care of but a whole lot of enjoying is possible too.

I am weighing options of later in the back of my head...here or there, do I commit to re-entering the ever-changing design world or take a break to simply create work or prepare for more school? I don't know. Probably all, but the order of events is unknown.

What I do know is that my fun, support, encouragement and people to enjoy the present with are God sent. Really, I don't know anyone more blessed. I am thankful, thankful, thankful.

Yesterday I was able to catch up with some wonderful friends from Boise who moved to Washington. I visited their new place with beautiful modern lighting seen before even entering the home, played some legos, star wars and dancing with Nels and Willem, had a great time catching up with Gypsy over tea, listened to some smashing new tunes provided by Shaun, sure to take me into the new year well, and enjoyed some goat cheese and olive pizza and ginger coconut ice cream. What a nice day.

But that wasn't even the whole day! I then made my way to the Rose Garden to catch a Trailblazers game with my family. While I claim football as my game and basketball is my brothers, it was neat to watch a good game in the large venue. Thanks Uncle Steve!


I will now enjoy a rare Pearson Thanksgiving upstairs. My childhood Thanksgiving of 60+ Collins/Hull family members in a church with similar stories and the same great tastes each year, is now traded for a summer gathering but what a great introduction to Thanksgiving I was given. I am thankful for those days and now, these. Ah yes.

Thursday, October 16

how did you all decide what you were to be, now that you're grown up?

The first occupational aspiration I can recall is wanting to be a flight attendant. They at one time had cuter outfits, they looked so put together, prepared, they were always more awake than I and definitely knew more about what we were doing that day - with all those hand motions and pacing the aisles concerned with every one's safety. At the age of 4 I started flying solo from Boise to Portland to visit my grandparents. Because I was so young, there was always one flight attendant who had special eyes for me, who would give me extra peanuts and a blanket and hold my hand to walk me in and out. These kind red and blue skirt suits probably influenced my desire to be someone in their position. I think a couple years later I learned they also received free flights, which prolonged the goal a couple more years.

Until I knew I was going to be a famous singer. famous was half of the goal, to be singing was the other. My friend Melissa likes to remind me that I am a dreamer and not as much of a realist. I am completely content being a dreamer unless I am predicting my arrival time to some destination. I think my days as a dreamer started the day my mind was set on the foresight of lunch with the Spice Girls being a normal occasion. Or how I justified not being called to missions at summer camp when half of the campers were. I prayed that I would simply give my first paycheck from record sales to the church and when I accepted my Grammy or Oscar (yes we're acting now too) that I would thank God in my acceptance speech and that would be the adequate extent of my missions work. It was that simple. If I had true desire and a goal (check) and an ability that could be trained and constantly improved upon (check) then why couldn't I be one of the ones to make it? I know! Maybe I watched too many motivational children's programs. This was my career goal for years. I hadn't necessarily thought about how I would get to the successful stage and the years of work and connections it would take. Wouldn't someone walk into Nampa, telling me I was exactly what they were looking for, whisking me off to Hollywood? I can't remember a day when this fame was no longer the goal. I think it was that I became passionate and interested and invested in other disciplines that happened to whisk me away themselves.
(I do about once a week dream about being the female secondhand man vocalist in a band, but smoky bars would be venue enough if the music was beautiful and fun for all to dance along to)

I studied the last four years to be a graphic designer. Not once did I waver. I fell into an outstanding learning environment and what I was learning to do with my head and hands just clicked. When designing with creative freedom, (not every detail dictated by the client) I feel like I am using God's gifting, in mind and trained hand. But what has changed, now being separated from the academic art making setting, is that I am not only soaking up every word from teachers and classmates, but instead I am expected to perform these skills to pay to be able to live. I still enjoy being stretched to think of creative solutions, I just don't know if I can even depend on enough design jobs to call that my career. And I haven't even done all the looking that I could. I guess I am re-evaluating, still in love with the idea and the process but I guess the dreamer is trying to be okay with the dream not panning out the exact way she expected- even though the desire is still true.

Today this is what I want to be now that I am supposedly grown up:
- A designer for people who let her think not only "place that shadow-dropped lion exactly, right...there". ( I understand I might have to do more of the latter in order to receive the former)
- An artist. I want to make work because I am given an inspired view that can contribute to those who might see it. And it's so fun! And it wouldn't seem like work. My specific hope with this would be to create greeting cards containing thoughtful, clever messages with nice drawings to compliment.
- A counselor. Being a recipient of counseling myself, I would be honored to receive the training to be able to help people grow in this way.
- A mother. Someday. What a gift that would be.
- A thinker.
- A contributer.
- A person who seeks, who wants to grow, who prays for help and guidance with that, and from that has more to give.

And in a few hours I will be a test taker, a paper writer, a coffee drinker, a talker, a listener, a reader, an Office watcher, an aspiring politically educated person discussing with others (this is getting a little old), and a sleeper (especially after this late night).

How did you decide what/who you were to be, now that you're grown up?

Monday, October 13

one benefit of high gas prices

is that I don't have to stand outside in the bitter cold dancing, to feel the slightest bit better, as long as I used to when putting $20 into my tank!

Winter decided to break its record this year, snowing last Friday as I drove home from Boise. The snow was pretty to look at in shock through the windshield, but I will never in my life welcome that wind.

The Nampa police force has tried to be sneaky. For the last two weeks they have parked at least 4 unattended vehicles to look as though they are occupied and about to pull out to catch the speeders. Spotting a police car, as trained, makes one slow down- which I guess with enough parked, will reduce some in town speeding. This stops working however, after the second time I pass the empty car, knowing it is there to scare but not punish me. Maybe the cars should change locations daily. Maybe on the 31st they will throw out their tricks and actually have officers behind the wheel, catching me and 60 others.

All that to say, I'm not falling for it and I am not getting another ticket this year. To help this habit I sometimes run into, I have tried the old 'set your car clock ten minutes fast', so that I won't actually have to speed to be on time, I still end up barely making it but I have been thankful for this aid since June, I see no stop in the near future. I have tried leaving places earlier. I have also chosen to believe my psychology teacher who said the speeding, tailgating and passing on the freeway really only gets you there 2 to 3 minutes faster, but makes your whole ride tense and stressful.

I am off to design a map
enjoy breaking in your coats

& there are 3 parked cop cars on 2nd which turns into the boulevard and 1 on iowa avenue headed east after Idaho Pizza. Let me know if you know of any others. thanks!

Monday, September 22

sure, let's blog

After an incredible summer in the Kansas City area I wouldn't trade for the world, I am back in Idaho. I think it is temporary but am open to opportunity and what prayer leads. I am taking three classes at NNU where I am very blessed to have free education. These classes will better my chances at getting into some masters programs which I hope will be some of my next steps. I am continuing to learn. I want to be taught by our Lord and those around me.



These boys continuously teach me about honesty and growth and trust and love. It was one of the hardest things to leave them and their wonderful parents in Kansas. A long trip away is what I prefer to call it. They gave me a beautiful a summer.

I also joined a genuine, loving community at church and found a home for 40 hours each week at work with my dear friends.


I am now excited to be here at my other home, with other people I love. I am very blessed.
Thanks for giving me time to process everything.

Thursday, August 21

these days

I know so little.
I realize this is the stage one usually finds themselves in after college, but really, I know so very little.
I didn't see this one coming, with all of my effort to know at least some of all.

As you can draw from these words, I do not have much to write about.
I have been praying for God to make some decisions for me.
I am living a blessed life with little direction, but indeed blessed.

I saw 5 red leaves today. Where did the time go?

Wednesday, August 13

an aerial view

after being on the airplane for hours today, I wish to make some art about the neat way land is ploted. Even in what seems like the middle of no-where, there are clean lines dividing property and different kinds of growth. It just seems funny to me that the land below from west to mid-west looks consistenly planed and organized,as if one person charted it. The jagged mountains here and there are a nice break. In addition to this tour of land I looked at differently today, I noticed the magnificence of clouds. I remember years ago I was disappointed when the plane could pass through them effortlessly, I had wanted them to be full enough to jump on, but today this became incredible to witness. These cotton candy forms hold this unique shape while also moving. And we can pass through these water droplets without feeling anything! And the angle at which I saw some clouds today was very interesting. I think the side view was my favorite, I could see the almost flat bottom floating with bellowing mashed poatoes atop. I will post the art when it is produced. It was the neatest roller coaster (of love). And I will need a new Riddlers' Revenge anyway now that Magic Mountain is closing.

I was on the airplane today because I went home! I first flew into Seattle and met Tori at the airport. We flew in a couple days early to help and thoroughly enjoy spending time with Claire before her wedding to Nate on Saturday. I was on a healthy-eating break. All the food was fantastic, and more local, well-roasted coffee than you could ask for. We ran wedding errands, visted roommate Kristy selling berries at the Olympia farmers' market, enjoyed the fresh air smelling of pine, loved visiting with the love birds' families, had such a fun bachelorette night on the town including so much dancing the night away, ending at a diner called the Reef. We don't really know why the Reef is called the Reef besides the one fish tank on the back wall, but the twelve of us entered, really wanting pancakes and bacon. After we ordered the chef informed us that from 2-3 breakfast was no longer served, but lunch was. hmmm, fries and a shake it was. The wedding was perfect. really. I will let those two tell you more. I now understand why we have receptions. The people gathered, who all love the bride and groom, want to spend more time together to celebrate the nice engagement that took place, the party can't be over. Well we felt this way even after the reception and spent the last night in Olympia well. I brushed up my new dancing skills once more and finally received my pancakes and bacon from the Reef.

Caleb drove a van full of us drove down to Portland the next day. We visted some friends at a church Chad works at, called Adsideo. On this Sunday there just happened to 25 friends from different times and places who were attending. I was reminded of what a blessing it is to know and be known and to run into people who when you spend time with them, you leave thinking "why can't I be with them more often?"

My mom, sister and I then enjoyed a drive to Nampa, along the Columbia most of the time. At the McDonalds in Baker City, I ran into two people I knew, man was I getting closer to home.

My next two days in Nampa/Boise were wonderful. Truly. Because I have already written a lot, don't have pictures yet and am anxious to get back to a sleeping pattern that consits of more than 2-4 hours, this will be all of my reporting of the trip for tonight.

As you might have guessed after a visit I am confused about what my new home should look like. But while confused I enjoyed a dinner with the beautiful family I have here in Kansas, my other home. And for today felt at peace.

Friday, August 1

okay okay

(in reference to the previous post)
4 days later and 4 shifts later, I really enjoy my temporary job. And that is probably good, realizing it may have to be more than temporary. I am thankful. The qualities I praised the Boise store for, still stand, but I appreciate the Kansas City store for new reasons. I enjoy many of the people I work with, I now have a grasp on how they run things and this seems small, but I was trained at the cash register! I have practiced scanning items since I was 4 with my fisher price shopping cart, it is my favorite zone to work. I left Nampa and Boise where I routinely interacted with around 10 groups of people, and these ladies at Anthropologie have become a new group, sort of a community- I see them 4-5 times a week. And I am thankful for the familiarity.

I am now at a LatteLand. A local coffee shop around the corner from work. I have had maybe 5 espresso drinks in a whole month, but when lifestyle permits, this will be more regular, now that I found a new flying m. The aesthetics are not the same, I cannot call 5 baristas close friends, and this is not called Jesus-Land, as the Nampa Flying M was sometimes referred to as Jesus-M. I think this nickname came from the heavy protestant/Nazarene/LDS crowd who frequent flying M. I loved this because this meant catching up with a few friends each visit and often times sharing biscotti with my grandparents, but I don't mind the non-Jesus LatteLand one bit. I was actually taught a lesson. Upon my first visit, it looked like the girl making my drink would take a while to warm up to me. I assumed. I was corrected. She was very friendly and asked all about Boise. I assumed someone would be judging me, and really I was the only one judging. The next time I came in, one of the baristas asked "So why did you move here from Utah?" I did correct him, not wanting to be from Utah, but close enough.

Design firms are not really hiring, but I will follow up with all of them this week. I am trying my hardest to be okay with the unknown. And I have the truest blessing of friends I will continue living with until September.

I enjoy hearing from all of you and hope we may all enjoy the end of summer.

Monday, July 28

you know that dumb song.

the one that fourteen people have covered, "don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you got till it's gone..." (shoo, bop, bop, bop) comes later in Amy Grant's version.

I dislike what this song says because it's implying that we don't appreciate anything while we have it...which I have been guilty of at times. so, for a few years I have tried as much as possible to enjoy every thing in the moment, because as we all know paradise could one day be paved into a parking lot.

And I have no regrets for the soaking up of the treasure valley that took place before I left. But there was one thing I didn't know to prepare myself for. The Boise Anthropologie is run so much better than the Kansas City store! Which, if I was shopping, I could deal with, but I am working, and right now, this is my only work, so the awareness is heightened. I won't complain much longer, but I do want to congratulate the Boise store for the way they run things, the kind, efficient people who work there, the incredible "up to code" status, the cleanliness, the organization & layout, the duties divided, the art team, the relaxed atmosphere that still gets things accomplished, etc... They have got it going on.

And a small portion of that fond memory could be that the store is in fact in Boise, and I keep waiting for my friend and her lovely daughter to walk in, or I think I see my grandma perusing the homewares, then I realize I am in a different place.

Not to worry, I have had some fun at this new store, I just wanted to give Amy Grant, and the actual writer of that song, and the slew of other coverers a tally on their side. This time I didn't know what I had until it was gone.

Wednesday, July 23

welp

I finished my portfolio. It is now in the hands (digitally speaking) of some trusty critiquers and tomorrow, will be in the hands of strangers, from who I am, in a way, begging for a life. I have slowly been getting over this odd transition- going from a small, known, safe, motivating, encouraging art department who knows what you are capable of and asks you to participate, to a new city full of design, but no one making sure I am one of the ones contributing or giving me a job. That last sentence was not supposed to be full of gloom! Well, we shall see what happens after the true pursuit. It has been good for me to become aware of how important the motivation behind creating something is. I still enjoy design, and right now that is enough.

Part of me, well a lot of me was worried about how I would continue learning, now being out of school. I am planning on graduate school, but I was told to get some experience and decide what narrow part of creating I love, before I go spend money and time. But the idea of being removed from a learning environment where you are stimulated by the knowledge and minds around you is frightening to me. My entire life, through school or with people I met through school, I have gradually been stepping deeper and deeper into different disciplines, exposed to new ideas and old ideas and the discussion of those things. And now, do I have to stop? I won't have assigned reading or discussion boards or questioning in class.

BUT! What I am offered is a choice to continue that on my own. Taking the advice of a friend, I want to take a liberal arts approach to living and learning. Without homework in the evenings, I can use that time to read books of contemporary art and the creation of a pretty typeface. But not just that! Just as I could take a theology class and a welfare policy class amidst my art classes during my undergrad, I can read other things I know little about, but that will inform me and challenge me in a different way! After this non-fiction I am currently reading, I could read books about food, maybe Ron Paul's book about the constitution and how that can shape our today, or the background on Orthodoxy, or that book on the origin and meaning of Haikus that my friend read.

And not only will I attempt for my reading to follow a liberal arts way of thinking, but I hope in meeting new people (a fitting time for this), I will try to learn about the passions and pursuits of others, because there is probably something to learn from the reasons they have chosen to live and that makes them who they are.

As I was thinking about this, I realized I am surrounded by so many thinkers and learners. I am so grateful for you, and I am excited to hear about what you think as you read and experience and live.

Tuesday, July 15

less of a good thing etc...



This was yesterday's lunch. Smaaaaall portions. Melissa and I, as of Monday, are counting calories. woo-hoo. I absolutely love my food. A perfect day to me is great food with great talk, so this counting and awareness is quite the change. But now knowing that a heath blizzard (which I would gladly run and get once one of my roommates was also craving one last year) is 1/2 of the calories we are supposed to have in a whole day (!), I now know how unhealthy I am and this discipline will be a good thing. I think I will eat carefully throughout the day, saving room for dinner, the great reward. I now understand the concept and people's attachment to diet soda. I was looking on the lable last night after I had filled the daily quota,and diet coke is zero everything! I have no idea what the 12 ounces do consist of, but I don't really want to know for another week or so. (oh and if I do well for 6 days, Sunday will be a day of rest, seconds, blizzard and all.)

I am reading the New Kings of Non Fiction, compiled and introduced by Ira Glass. It is wonderful. If you have listened to Glass' radio show, This American Life, then you are familiar with his tone and what he finds important in a story or report. It is so enjoyable and informative to read these short stories or excerpts from essays from some of Glass' favorite contemporary authors who interview the true person behind some commonly known and some uncommon stories. In the introduction, Glass celebrates,

"There's a cheerful embracing of life in this kind of journalism, and a curiosity about the world... It's the pleasure of discovery, the pleasure of trying to make sense of the world."

My good friend Todd spoke at a church in a nearby suburb this last Sunday evening. I tagged along and was surprised and impressed to be a part of such a genuine, seeking church for the evening. Although numbers of a congregation do not tell the value of a church, I was simply surprised that 600+ young adults kept walking into the sanctuary on a summer Sunday evening in the middle of a residential area. They wanted to be there. It was a joy to be a part of the worship and meet some very kind people. I have become so skeptical of the drive of post-modern churches, but it was evident they were there to serve the Creator.



Brennan, my 4-year old friend I am living with and am so thankful to be re-united with told me yesterday when he was frusterated that no one would play the game he wanted, in a very sure, confident voice that "Kylee, I have all my fault, all your fault, and my mom's fault, and Landen's fault, and everybody in the world's fault!" I said "That is so nice of you to take that for me!" and we played something else. This is another cute stage, when they know all words, but not exactly all the common phrases or how to pair them together.

I finally get my first shift at the Kansas City Anthropologie tomorrow, I am babysitting for some church people Friday morning, working on freelance projects and working on my portfolio....and enjoying summer. Although I technically don't get those ever again.

happy July!

Karla, hi! Please take Kadyn to visit Chris at Spicer Bros. while she is in Portland this week! and enjoy a nectarine for me, on the house...and speaking of produce, I now know how to properly cut a pineapple

Thursday, July 10

oh the heat is so heavy

but I'll take it over that 7 month cold wind.

Well it's almost been two weeks. It went by fast. I feel a lot of pressure as a designer, just realizing how persistent and impressive I need to be in a quiet non-hiring season. But I also have new inspiration to be good now, to give them great work now- not just enough to get a job. I am so grateful that art and design still inspires me to create, not only to make a living. Although, I very much dislike that I need a job in a competitive field in order to survive. I would love to go back to school. Anyway, I thought I should catch you up on that since that is what we do after college. I made a large graph on butcher paper of all of the places I would like to work and the details concerning them. Butcher paper always helps relieve some stress.

The 4th, though a while ago was one of the nicest of days. It began with a scooter ride on a coolER day, with Kristin to retrieve some of the best hummus I have had at Jerusalem Cafe. We were almost smashed, but I did not scream. I then headed to a day-long barbecue at the Frye's in Olathe, filled with Rook, great food, croquet, strawberry shortcake on the porch, and wonderful, stimulating conversation from a unique mix of friends, and friends of friends, and acquaintances. I am continually encouraged when I meet people who consistently seek to grow in knowledge and in a quality of living. The table was filled with artists of all kind, passionate about their field and excited to hear about another's. A pleasant and peaceful holiday.
(Though I heard I missed even my grandparents climbing to the roof of Student Development for the viewing of fireworks- darn.)

I am now living with the Fryes for the rest of the summer search and it is wonderful! We are catching up, cooking, playing, enjoying...and Brennan (4) comes to wake me in the morning so we may share cereal together.

I haven't been to a coffee shop for a week. I am relieved that my pretty much daily habits were habits of taste and community, not of a caffeine addiction. (I've only had one cup of drip and a couple glasses of tea at home this week.)

AND I won in Nerts tonight.

Thursday, July 3

did i mention

I have no allergies in kansas/missouri?! sooo nice. come visit me here and I will be able to look you in the eye, not have kleenexes on the floor of my car, and will not sound like kermit. hey, in fact, my car is entirely clean right now, able to fit four others, so come on over.

here are some pics from the cross country craze n' da camry.


Idaho needs some of these. pretty. They are so big, they look like they could come alive and take on the power ranger thing- you know when they all morphed together?


back seat while not driving...letting my mom and her friend,stacy sing abba together.


on the plaza.



here are keys I gave to my mom to deliver to people in Idaho. That was so sad. My key ring went from 13 to 1, and that one (car key) even changed. The day before I left I put 4 keys under the keyboard at the charter school, that was the saddest. (they have been picked up, you can't go steal them) Man, one of the hardest parts of this move, is not the new, bring on the new, that is exciting, not scary. I just can't get over losing the old. I want to need the keys to the school, the art department, my dorm, my friends' houses I house sit. That's the sad part.
Kristin who I am living with right now, who is getting her masters in counseling, came back from taking a test tonight and said that I am in my differentiation or individuation stage. Alright!

Brandon got me a freelance job to work on before I have a full-time design gig. What a blessing.I will be designing a school crest.

Happy fourth, make sure to give in and eat a hot dog or 3 (like me), sing at least one patriotic tune ( like me in the car), and paint your toe-nails red (like me, out of character, but for my country who is in shambles)

peace be with you.

Wednesday, July 2

part-time down, full-time to come

we had the neatest storm here tonight! It sounded like the world was covered in butcher paper and the paper was crumpled up. and the lightning stays in sky for an extended time here. This rain causes the humidity to just weigh down on you, it's incredible the difference in the meaning "hot" in Boise and KC. Other weather news, Chris says Portland has been covered in smoke due to fires down south. Sorry to the smoke and sorry to the fires.

part-time = I walked into Anthropologie on Monday and talked with the manager about transfering from the Boise store. Instead of her having to check to see if they have room or asking my old manager questions, she was appologetic that she hadn't been notified of this before and said I could start next week. Official transfering was done after that, but I am so thankful that it was that simple. She introduced me to the people working at that time, who seemed very friendly and reminded me of the great people in Boise. This is such a blessing. As much as I would enjoy having a summer catching up with friends here, my prospective financial situation is beginning to scare me, thank you part-time. This part-time will allow me to look and interview for design jobs during the week as well. My friend Brandon is a designer who graduated from NNU and has been in the field here for three years, he is giving me the tips of where and where not to go.

Speaking of Brandon, he and his wife Kristin are hosting me this week on the plaza. It is so fun, we have cooked, designed, played dr. mario, and they dragged me to Wanted, which is not my kind of movie, but it is so extreme, some parts were funny. Next week I will move in with the Fryes for the rest of the summer!

There are my plans and events thus far. I ran into another acquaintance at the deli today, I am thankful for the irony.

As much as I prepped myself for this move and tried to grieve my goodbyes while they were happening, this still feels strange and hard. But I can already see what I am beginning to learn.
Full speed ahead!

Monday, June 30

I saw my first fire-flies! They definately beat sick, regular flies

we made it!
21 hours of driving takes you many places, one of which being Kansas. It feels surprisingly good and not that humid...yet.

After staying up all night before leaving, (painting at the charter school with the help of my bro and dad & packing) my mom, her friend stacy and I drove out at 7 am, a few errands later, we left Boise around 10. I usually hate those long, drawn out exits, but this one was nice. We stopped in those weird towns for meals. The towns you are sure are fake sets from a movie, the town is there simply for you to eat, but no one really lives there, right? ( I am sure others put Nampa in this pot, but we know what they're missing) We wished we would have had a map a few times instead of the nice GPS lady screaming, "missed turn" 7 times in a row, but thank you technology, for the most part. My companions kindly listened to & appreciated my music. The other half of the trip, was filled with their 80s station. At 11:30 we arrived at our hotel in Wellington, Colorado.

On day 2, we headed out towards the fields, doing more of the same...but around 3 pm, I awoke from a cat nap to two 45 year old women who had just split an Amp energy drink. They were given this drink in a generous cooler full of goods given to us for the trip, but they were not forced to drink it. Yet, they did. Wow. Their topics of conversation, jokes and come-backs especially were exaggerated and calling for a camera. I'm thankful I was in the back seat at that time...We drove into Olathe, Kansas (where I am living with friends for the summer) around 8 this evening. We stopped at Pei Wei (a take out version of PF Changs here) to grab some dinner and as we were walking in, guess what? I ran into an acquaintance. It was so, so nice to run into someone I know and a nice someone, when leaving a place full of those happy run-ins daily. Thank you, God. We then made our way to the Frye's home, they are out of town for a few days, so I don't get to see them yet, but it is wonderful to be in their beautiful love-full home. Kristin and Emily (friends I made last summer), came over and joined us in the viewing of Sense and Sensibility. I almost didn't fall asleep. What a pleasant start to my new home in the mid-west.

As I have been writing the last month or so, it is very hard to leave Idaho and the people who fill it, and will be for a while, but I received new hope and excitement, actually being here. Tomorrow we will go into the city, go to the Nelson-Atkins art museum!, look at apartments, walk around Westport & the Plaza, go to Houstons for those incredible ribs, and my mom wants to see Get Smart. On Tuesday I will take my mom and Stacy to the airport, and I will start preparing for interviews and portfolio reviews. Yes!

I am definately blessed, already knowing a lot about this place, just being able to know how to get somewhere, even if it is Hy-Vee and not Albertsons, is nice.

Thanks be to God.

Saturday, June 28

hours

i am about to leave for the midwest, indefinately...okay, it's time to stop thinking about it and try it.

yet today, there was no point in wearing mascara.

I will be awake until we leave at 7 am. too much to do. with the lack of sleep, my driving companions (my mom and her friend stacy) do not wish for me to be the first driver in the morning. I have been planing all along to be the first driver, symbolically driving away from my home, with the perfect planed music, with the others forced to sleep so I could cry it out...but the sleep will sound very nice right about then and I will act like east Utah (yuck) is my homeland and i will participate in these things there.

I will update you on leg one of the trip tomorrow (this) evening. We plan to stop in Cheyenne, Wyoming, where we have the hook up with a hotel- free of charge.

today was really hard and weird, just one good bye after another...but the evening finsihed with a fine wedding with dancing and fine foods, followed by a game of poker with some other pals.


My Idaho Pick of the Post - everything

Tuesday, June 24

abra abra cadabra


(i'm missing me some art depart.)


my grandpa called me today and said "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0 and you're gone"...sheesh thanks for the reminder. I have no idea how I will get all of what I wish to accomplish, accomplished before I go, in a way getting in the car with those planned and spontaneous tunes sounds good. (as long as my company permits the proper volume at which one should symbolically drive away to). I told a friend today that I think I want to skip this week. But really I don't, I will enjoy every instant with my familiarity of this town and these people this week. I, as you are I am sure, am ready to write about other thoughts besides those of leaving but politics and knowledge isn't really on my mind quite yet. Though I did learn more about Ron Paul today (the real Ron Paul, not Ryan Harter Ron Paul) Some of those constitutional ideas sound nice, but sadly I think if the provision of the less fortunate were left up to us and the government pulled all aid, people would fall through the cracks. I would love to see our churches and volunteer groups and individuals step up and provide food and shelter but I don't know if our habits, my habits would be able to handle that responsibility. Who knows. I plan to ask a lot of opinions in the next few months, read what I can and watch not only MSNBC, but a little of Fox too.

My Idaho Pick of the Post is (I've been waiting to write this one)
Running into people.
Now on days when I have tear stains on my glasses, I oversleep, need to get a ton done, and just like being by myself, this running into people can get old
BUT, I hardly ever take that side, I absolutely love running into people I am acquainted with, I know and I care about-so easily. For instance I had a few common run-ins today. In the drive-thru at the bank I rolled down my window to chat with Twila. At the bistro I ran into a lovely co-worker and people from church. At Flying M, I sat down with the Sewards for a bit, hugged Noah and talked with two of my favorite barista friends. While checking out after getting my eyebrows waxed by the lovely Victor, I realized the receptionist is my slumber party friend from Greenhurst elementary, Kandace's little sister. I was behind a fellow NNU student in the (shhh-McDonalds) drive-thru. And passed the Feilds' and Stacey on the road. Okay that sounds somewhat overwhelming, but these daily happenings make me feel at home. That is how we stay connected, other than intentional meetings, we count on seeing eachother and checking in, because that is guaranteed to happen. I feel like I entered this town pre-blessed with connections from my grandparents and parents, before I could even appreciate it, but I am so thankful that I grew up with so much support in a kind of small town. Big enough for 4 subways,4 freeway exits, and an Old Navy (whoa! I know) but small enough to maintain that quality in the Karcher Mall, to have one "boulevard" and know someone everywhere.
And this running into happens in Boise too, I guess 19 years makes sense. I went to Saturday market for the last time, as a previous Idaho Pick, I will miss thee and the shy boy selling me my weekly lettuce dearly.

I'll have to stop my habit of looking around to see who I can say hello to when entering the grocery store, when in Kansas/Missouri.

Okay, some music...
For anyone who hasn't listened to Midlake, you have to, I am continually impressed and pleased and happy when listening. Also, Camera Obscura and Fleet Foxes have been really nice to listen to lately as well.


Tori and I purchasing the Coldplay album at midnight last week.

Okay and a mini Viva la Vida review,
articles talk about this being Coldplay's experimental album, while I wouldn't call it that, it does venture into other genres a bit more than usual. and I LOVE IT. Man, they always time their releases in a way that their fans are desperate for the next installment of the collection. I forgot what it was like to receive this package from a favorite band you've been missing, a package full of ELEVEN new songs for you to enjoy. ELEVEN at one time is overwhelming. I really enjoy how the songs and how you interpret them evolve as you listen more and more. Based on just the song's beauty and how it lead me through a day last week, I will say that "Strawberry Swing" is my favorite. "...and it's such a perfect day..." the happy anticipation built throughout is really nice. Also at the top I think are "Lost", "42" and the the relationship between the intro "Life in Technicolor" and the outro "Lost". The Asain influence is nice, I thought a lot of blending parts sounded more intentional than in the past. Chris, I understand how a couple songs sound radio-friendly, but I wouldn't dub the whole album as that. Okay that's probably enough, but I am very pleased and thankful for the new album, this was nice after X&Y.
What do you think?

Off to watch another film for my last class!

Monday, June 16

L-I-B-E-R-T-Y & summore summer goodbyes


Friday was my last day as secretary of Liberty Charter School. I absolutely loved that job. For the last two years, I have enjoyed the pleasant drive at 6:50am (or around that time), watching the sunrise during fall and spring, and enjoying the warmth of coffee in my hands and the perfect song accompanying during winter. It will be a significant change of habit next fall not driving to Lewis Lane, to then grab the bundle of papers, say hello to the boss, turn on the lights & copier, start the coffee and check the messages. What an incredible group of people, so strange and so kind. We could seriously be the subjects of the next Christopher Guest film. From 75 year old Janet, the other secretary, to Debby the cooky lunch lady, Bette the exuberant music teacher and the principal's 80mph walking speed. This is harder than any other job I have quit, because this is also the school I went to starting in 7th grade. It was nice to have another community aside from church or NNU, although everything in Nampa is intertwined anyway. Oh what a blessed season.

The picture(s) above and below are from Friday. On the last day every year, the teachers put on a dance. The students who are silent in the halls every day, on this day let it all out, screaming at the top of their lungs as their loved teachers dance in a way they maybe shouldn't. This year I was honored to join them in a Tina Turner inspired dance to "Nutbush City Limits".
I will always love my pick of the post, L-I-B-E-R-T-Y.


Vicki the choreographer/Spanish teacher. We made eyelashes out of black construction paper and put cover up on our lips. I don't know why, I just did what I was told.

(had to include this priceless shot)

Oh Yeah!

Today Marc, Jeff and I had our LAST meal at Little Kitchen. That was a choice.

I'll add a couple more,
Claire, Tori and I had our last day hanging out together, the three of us, as Claire is in Mexico and Tori and Caleb leave on a cross country road trip Wednesday. We finished our college habits strong, with coffee downtown.



the travelers!


Eli and Shaun learning to sew and livin it up at Brass.


It was so fun to have you back in town Chad!

Saturday, June 14

movie meme

( I don't know what meme is...I mean I can guess but, I was tagged to answer and pass on this movie list of sorts, so an unconventional post ahead, but will be fun. thanks JR!)

Movie Meme, courtesy of J.R. Caines.

1. One movie that made you laugh
Waiting for Guffman

2. One movie that made you cry
Lars and the Real Girl

3. One movie you loved when you were a child
Wee Sing in Sillyville

4. One movie you’ve seen more than once
Mrs. Doubtfire!

5. One movie you loved, but were embarrassed to admit it
Robots

6. One movie you hated
T-Rex with Whoopi, and I begged my dad to take me the whole weekend. sorry.

7. One movie that scared you
What Lies Beneath

8. One movie that bored you
Do the Right Thing...maybe i was just tired.and a girl

9. One movie that made you happy
Charlotte's Web

10. One movie that made you miserable
Hostel

11. One movie you weren’t brave enough to see
Strangers

12. One movie character you’ve fallen in love with
Michael Cera in Juno

13. The last movie you saw
Junebug

14. The next movie you hope to see
The Happening

15. Your favorite movie
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I am supposed to tag 5 people... Chris, Reed, Shaun, Peter & Travis, go!

(i'll catch up on pick of the posts next time!)

Tuesday, June 10

box number 1

I've packed one box. a physical box, containing 6 categories of newly organized things I will keep- leaving a pile of things I could bear throwing away. It's weird, ideally I want to take every object I wish to keep with me, not leaving anything in my parents' garage, but that means living on a lot less. That's probably good. It's just different letting go of the back up. I forgot about the specific qualities of the boxes' fillings, not needing them these past years, but I knew the boxes were there, just in case.

I've packed my first box of a different kind too. Such a good box. I said good bye to the first set of great friends. It's probably a blessing all of these departures will be happening gradually. This first box is headed to LA and won't return until I am gone, so the last hurrahs were had this last week, including the great outdoors, shoping, sharing of ideas, cooking experiments, the zoo, relaxing & living- and they were deeply enjoyed. One of the greatest things (see how I am being positive?) about this hard move (yes, that I chose) is that I am reminded of how loved I am by our God, because of the love around me. I don't know how I became so fortunate. I love the people here, so it's becoming very difficult to chose one good thing (kansas city) over another (home).

please tell me how you leave beauty like this.






It's been hard to write, but I love reading your blogs, so I will continue! My weird month or so of summer has included:

-the desire to work out to prepare for boating season. nah.
-appreciating
-soaking up
-good sermons
-great new recipes and cooking techniques learned with the hamiltons.
-working at anthropologie- I've met really nice people from a different crowd & I've
been inspired to create.
-the class of walking & jogging for the last time
-graduation parties
-catching up
-belonging to a place
-running into peeps (one of top 5 greatest things about this valley)
-loving & watching Esly learn and grow.
-hanging with my cool siblings.
-winning monopoly against shaun, tori & caleb.
-saturday market with halberts
-new music!
-new friends!
-living with elise & wade & helping prepare for the next fashion show
-kaysha's back!
-watching paul's dogs & now amanda's cats. (still not an animal lover)
-getting scared about our economy.
-wondering about this occupation of mine- to make things look good when our world
needs a lot more than that.

well if you're still reading, i guess you now know my mind is full of gladness, fear, grief, excitement & preparation and I thank you for praying with me.
oh this growing up.
box 2 tomorrow...

(note to reed & chris- we haven't said goodbye yet, you weren't my first box because I'll see you in August. May didn't count.)

Tuesday, May 27

Yes, we can.

Here are some words from Barack Obama's commencement speech at Wesleyan University.
Exciting.
And for my friends who have already chosen McCain, may you enjoy this as meaningful, important words spoken at a graduation ceremony.

"Each of you will have the chance to make your own discovery in the years to come. And I say “chance” because you won’t have to take it. There’s no community service requirement in the real world; no one forcing you to care. You can take your diploma, walk off this stage, and chase only after the big house and the nice suits and all the other things that our money culture says you should by. You can choose to narrow your concerns and live your life in a way that tries to keep your story separate from America’s.

But I hope you don’t. Not because you have an obligation to those who are less fortunate, though you do have that obligation. Not because you have a debt to all those who helped you get here, though you do have that debt.

It’s because you have an obligation to yourself. Because our individual salvation depends on collective salvation. Because thinking only about yourself, fulfilling your immediate wants and needs, betrays a poverty of ambition. Because it’s only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you realize your true potential and discover the role you’ll play in writing the next great chapter in America’s story.

At a time when a child in Boston must compete with children in Beijing and Bangalore, we need an army of you to become teachers and principals in schools that this nation cannot afford to give up on. I will pay our educators what they deserve, and give them more support, but I will also ask more of them to be mentors to other teachers, and serve in high-need schools and high-need subject areas like math and science.

At a time when there are children in the city of New Orleans who still spend each night in a lonely trailer, we need more of you to take a weekend or a week off from work, and head down South, and help rebuild. If you can’t get the time, volunteer at the local homeless shelter or soup kitchen in your own community. Find an organization that’s fighting poverty, or a candidate who promotes policies you believe in, and find a way to help them.

At a time of war, we need you to work for peace. At a time of inequality, we need you to work for opportunity. At a time of so much cynicism and so much doubt, we need you to make us believe again.

Now understand this - believing that change is possible is not the same as being na├»ve. Go into service with your eyes wide open, for change will not come easily. On the big issues that our nation faces, difficult choices await. We’ll have to face some hard truths, and some sacrifice will be required – not only from you individually, but from the nation as a whole."

fashion show

fashion show
fashion show at lunch.

(thank you Kelly)

there was indeed a fashion show. Studio D and a local bank (sorry bank about the no plug, I can't remember your name. Probably because there are 58 banks in Nampa) put on a fashion show to raise money for a local women's abuse shelter. The event was a great idea, successful and it was nice to have such an event in Nampa- our little boy/girl is sure growing up. The bistro catered some nice appetizers, (I only was able to sneak the lamb) and although your every day women modeled for the show, fortunately no one fell down.


Claire and I had fun modeling some of Elise's fabulous clothes from Brass Razoo and enjoyed a full day at the salon getting ready.
(I didn't know how or attempt to take off my fake eyelashes for a couple days)

My Idaho Pick of the Post must be Studio D. I have gone to this fabulous salon since I was in 7th grade. Danae is so talented, I don't let anyone else cut my hair and Victor is the ultimate perfectionist for my eyebrows. I know I COULD go without all these things, but why, when it's so good?! This is a Pick of the Post, because I will probably cry when I go to a new salon in Kansas City.

Thanks for sticking with me on my more shallow of days.

and the rain was beautiful today.

and my dad turned 46 today! I got him some cute low-rise brown pants but he keeps pulling them up. we'll see if they last.

Sunday, May 25

ohoohoh

those summer nights.

i'm lovin them.

yesterday I took my 1 year old friend (who now says a version of my name!) to the market and the zoo. She is really smart and funny and beautiful, I thought the day couldn't get better.

But my Idaho Pick of the Post is those summer nights. the day got even better. on a summer night like last night, the weather here in southern Idaho reminds you of everything good, like e.e. cummings said, "everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes."
The weather last night was the rare in between and perfect.

I had splendid company, learned how to create a new delish dish accompanied with the correct dessert, sat outside in the beauty, watched a funny, trying party next door, and only fell asleep during five mintues of interesting, Style Wars. A nicely put together, early 80s documentary, covering the origin of graffiti and hip hop.

ohoohoh, what a fine summer night.

Pastor Conrad preached a fantastic sermon this morning on Matthew 6:24-34 about trusting God's provision and from that provision, the actions we should be take in helping provide for the world. We don't have podcasts set up yet, but you could just read the passage.

I'm going to go clean out another box from my life and throw more away this time.

Wednesday, May 21

wednesday

I have grown to really like my new sunglasses. I feel like I can kind of hide behind them, welcome warm weather, bring together an ensemble that isn't already working, and here is my favorite thing about my shades. They change the colors of what I see. I know that the beauty I see every day is already pretty because of what it is, but the rosy, yellow tint my sunglasses adds makes the green grass pop and the day looks warmer all around.

But tonight I got in my car and preferred viewing the sights without the shades.Dusk made 2nd street look good too.

Jimmy Kimmel just said, "Hilary Clinton called David Archuleta to tell him not to give up, stay in the race!" He's pretty funny.

my Idaho Pick of the Post is definitely my Wednesday night meetings at church. We meet to plan the logistics of the upcoming Sunday, go over pastor's sermon notes, and discuss needs and hopes for the future. For the three years that I have been blessed to be a part of this meeting, the group of dear people has formed a community, where we try to always be growing and seeking.

Tonight we were discussing a Matthew passage about greed for wealth. Our pastor spoke of a time he was forced to give up his wealth. He and his wife resigned from a church position, not knowing where they would settle next. While they were looking for a basement to rent, a friend called them offering a place to stay until they needed. This place was a beautiful 9500 square foot house on a hill. They gave up their wealth, trusting, and God provided.

I loved hearing this story from my leader, who I have watched genuinely believe...and I couldn't help but thinking of the greatness I am leaving and how God has already provided. While I am scared of the many unknowns of my new life in Kansas City, the first step was already provided! My 9500 square feet was given to me in the form of being offered to live with my best friends while I find a job and adjust. What an incredible blessing to go to such a safe place in such an unsure time. I feel like by leaving, I am giving up tremendous wealth here, and God has already provided and will probably continue to amaze. That may sound like a stretch, but I am trying to give God more credit. Thanks God.

i forgot!

I forgot my idaho pick of the post! I committed to one a post (hence the name) and there are too many great things I wish to include before I leave. So my pick of the post for the pollen post below is-

(it's funny I'm thinking of things I don't really like about Idaho - the radio, roads, the lemon tree ...but this is not the time or place!)

reader boards. whether they are absolutely inappropriate, too cheesy, or make you think "ohhhh!" in a hallmark kind of sigh, they are a staple to the treasure valley and we have plenty to watch for. And maybe I will miss that entertainment so freely flowing here.

Tuesday, May 20

pollen is making "friends" with every one of my five senses

i work at a school. while in college, this was a great morning job before i started my schooling during the day. while I have a month or so left as secretary, I want to give the fine people there more attention. Now that I am not swamped with other priorities, I can afford to stay late some days or make Accelerated Reader certificates. There is one thing that I want to give them, that I have not yet mastered. I would like to arrive at work 5-10 minutes early. I say this to myself every evening, and talk myself out of it every morning before getting out of bed. To the point where not all makeup is applied, hair may be wet, and I am either just on time or 5 minutes late. I am never scolded, but knowing that my boss has been there since 5 am, pours on the guilt.

Recently I have new motivation. There is a sophomore girl, who looks nice enough, who used to always sit in the car with her grandpa around 6:45. (I am supposed to be at work at 7) Well a couple weeks ago, this student came in before I did and my boss asked her if she would sit and watch the phones until I arrived. How nice. How willing.
She has now been sitting in that chair every single morning. Earlier. and earlier.
She loves this new helpful position.
But I know that I could be and should be doing this 5 or 10 minutes earlier and show my boss that I care. I'm hired to do so. When I walk in, coming in second, I feel like a lazy slacker. So, I will look at my new sophomore friend who leaves confusing notes as,
a pleasant motivation, to get to work earlier and earlier. and once I conquer that,she will probably come earlier and the healthy race will continue.

on other notes,
weather = awesome
boise = awesome
hey and nampa = awesome
barbecues = awesome
new treats = awesome
catching up on little people big world
= awesome
sun still up at 10 = awesome


oh and this,

= not awesome at all.

Monday, May 12

"all this beauty.you might have to close your eyes and slowly open wide"

my idaho pick of the post is- 8th street between bannock and idaho. this lush green tree lined street, downtown boise is a place I can sit and feel very much at home. I frequent this place during all seasons but after enjoying a meal on the corner at pollo rey with friends this last Saturday, I easily remembered that summer is it's prime. With walkers and bicyclists lining the sidewalks, almost everyone passing is thoroughly enjoying their day, which encourages me to relax and soak up the beauty around. I probably enjoy this street because it is filled with opportunity to relish in my favorite activity. Being with great people, in a nice setting, with GOOD FOOD and pleasant conversation. In addition to the wonderful restaurants, the saturday market resumed a few weeks ago, making for great Saturdays to enjoy a few times more. Most of you probably know of this happy lane but this destination needs to be included in the discussion of things that I love about home that I will miss.

I graduated a week and day ago. Well, I wore a robe, received a diploma holder, shook Dr. Hagood's hand, walked across a stage, took the appropriate pictures, and felt too little to be at this stage- but I will be official after completing a walking/jogging course & a classic cinema course. I think I would have been a better student taking only 2 classes at a time.

I miss the art department, where I realize is where I spent the majority of my time. A friend who graduated last year and I were realizing the blessing in most of our professors, over-qualified, under-paid, invested in us as artists and growing people, interesting, educated, talented people who for some reason chose to care about our small liberal arts program. I am forever in debt to these dear people.
Now I must go use what I've learned! I wish I knew what that looked like and that I could take my old art community with me, but alas I guess I'll grow up. My mom and her friend Stacy will drive with me to Kansas City on the 29th of June and fly back. My mom informed me she purchased the plane tickets, so that means we're going! and for sure by a specific time! i'm so excited I just really like it here too.

I'm working at my friend's boutique and better hang up some clothes!
enjoy summer friends.

Tuesday, April 29

i'm feeling more fast train than slow motion

I'm so tired.
physically. mentally. emotionally
but blogs aren't meant for complaining
and the thing is, i will miss this so much.
with 6 days to go, i sit in the mac lab with an extension from security. I have bothered those guys so much over the past 4 years, today I called and asked them if for my last late night I could stay late. thank you

one thing I won't miss = survey classes. I enjoy being informed and learning of other disciplines, but when as much information is crammed as possible into a short ammount of time, the purpose seems wrong. I feel tested over cramming ability instead of interest, investment or knowledge. So one post-grad challenge that I am excited about will be to read something like de Toqueville's Democracy of America, to grasp content and perspective instead of an American History textbook.
(tonight I was compiling Modern Europe notes, can you tell?)

Melissa sent me a copy of The Shack! I was anxious to read, hearing so much about this book. I thought I would be able to wait until school was out to read it, but what perfect timing for the content! I am half way through. And I really appreciate how the novel is written, it is a blessing to read about our God portrayed like He is in the book.

While I am preparing for the move out east (at least further east), I am appreciating the little and big things about our gem, the treasure valley. I think in each post until I move, I will conclude with "a piece of the treasure". nah. we'll just call it. "Idaho Pick of the Post". yes.

today's Idaho Pick of the Post will be...wow there are so many great things.

the acceptable dance party.

I was exposed to the dance party I am speaking of, my last year of high school. Chad, Marc and I were invited to join in the dancing at a house show given by the wonderful Jensens. This untrained but whatever you feel dancing intimidated me at first, especially in a living room. But the great music made me move and once you start it feels completely natural. It is one of the happiest times. A couple New Years Eves ago this dancing went on for an hour and a half, led by Diana, and was the best ringing in of a new year. I don't know if I will have new friends in my new place who also love this kind of expression and love the kind of music that goes along so well- so I think fondly of these experiences as a unique part of home. This last Saturday was one of my favorite times of this activity, the Very Most, led by Jeremy Jensen held their cd release party in a grand hall fit for the kicking off of shows and the dancing was perfect.
thanks idaho.

ps- my brother asked a nice girl to prom! this is crazy and the first for my house of origin. we are all probably too proud, but that will not stop us from taking pictures, sorry cody.

Thursday, April 24

God is good.

all the time. really.
and i want to be better at proclaiming this, more on the normal days.

but today wasn't normal. or maybe it was full of things that are normal, but that are also great, and maybe that's what made it special.

with not much sleep I awoke and made my way home (art building) to work on the portfolio. The seniors then had investiture (or harry potter chapel as we like to call it because of the march with the mase, the sometimes velvet robes and Ponsford looking like Dumbledore). This was the first time this graduating thing seemed real, and somewhat sad. but nice. Wow those caps are sure awkward.
THEN we set off to the art lounge where professor Bouw was waiting, in town from Indiana! You forget how much you care about someone, well not really but sometimes you're reminded why you indeed care about someone, when you are with them. and it was so great to gather in the lounge and be with our professor and friend who belongs here and has been such a grand part of our career here.

Later Mike, Bodo, Bouw and I left for Boise to go to the Invasion show. First, we stopped at flying m and met some friends who graduated last year from the art department. What a nice time to feel at home in yet another setting and conversation. I was encouraged with talk about work and grad school and the after school life from friends who have gone through the exact same stages and who understand.

The show was wonderful! The Invasion is very intentional and energized with tight transitions and syncopation. Aaron Brown led with great vocals better than some girls in range and Nate Hanson had some great solos. Dancing was necessary. With loving people all around the room and a needed break I was smiling thanking God for today.

I am assured of my chosen practice in a time when it is being tested and reminded of a hobby that I love that brings people together and makes one dance.

Tuesday, April 22

oh this stressfulll feeling that i'll eventually miss

tonight I will attempt an all-nighter.
i have had this problem, with not being okay with my portfolio, thinking about all of the things that could be different. the thing I am realizing, is that most things are that way and always could be improved, especially in art. In most areas, I am better at being content with the present, but not with the portfolio. The success is up to me!
I will be done, settled, whatever you may call it, by tomorrow morning, so here we go.

Thank you Katie for asking about that darned compass math proficiency test I needed to be able to graduate.
Well tomorrow, I am participating in Investiture chapel, cap and gown and all!
I finally passed! 5 tries later, but the wait granted me hugs from all of the registrar ladies waiting for me to pass the thing!

Tomorrow one of my favorite professors who moved last summer, is coming to visit! He is coming to view the senior designers' portfolio show. We are excited, as he was the primary educator in the skills we now hold to make a career out of, and is such a great person.

I still look forward to posting show pictures, and will after this madness!

Speaking of madness, my friends The Invasion, will play at the Big Easy tomorrow night, releasing,How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Madness. They are very good, compared to the sounds of Radiohead, Rufus Wainwright and Queen, but that's not the only reason to like it.
AND this will be my first show to receive Xs on my hands instead of a wristband! though my new age will only be granting me Xs and nothing else tomorrow.

Thursday, April 17

today is thursday. tomorrow is math day.

That's right, we do see that dreaded math outside of Mrs. Decloss' high school classroom. She told me with that confident smirk that it would happen. "Math is needed and it is everywhere!" Well, here it is six years later. I have to pass the compass test tomorrow in order to graduate in a couple of weeks. Today a kind, other-brained student tutored me in college algebra and I think by being reminded of those long ago formulas, it will be possible to pass tomorrow.
Eww, enough space given to math. (sorry if it's your love, reader. But if math is your love I am curious to hear, why? really)

Pictures of the show are being comprised from 3 different cameras and the next post will hold them, promise.

I am stressed. I posted last December about procrastination and how it would never happen again. Well we all knew that would be hard. It has hit, but a different kind of procrastination. I was indeed working the entire semester, it's just that the last month was only show work and no general education work. These next two weeks will be hard, but possible.

Since living in Kansas last summer, I have planned to move there after graduation. With that time rapidly approaching I am getting anxious. I am excited to move and at the same time sad but thankful to leave the great things that make this Idaho home. I do not yet have a job and can't focus on that as much as I want until I get this college thing finished. I will work thoroughly to complete my portfolio, start sending it out in a couple of weeks and head for Kansas in the beginning of July. I will live with my precious friends for a month and every day go searching for that job. After, I will hopefully have a place and can settle down. I am open to alternatives if the search is sour in this present market, and I am praying that I will be sensitive to God while planing and moving, but being the dreamer I am, I am planing on a sweet not sour search and finding.

There is an update on plans and worries and hopes. But for tonight I choose to clean, study and get a good night's rest to wake up as secretary, student and friend tomorrow.

and happy birthday to the wonderful charles waters bryan the third.

thanks be to God for the sunshine and beauty today.
(even if tomorrow we drop 20 again.)

Monday, April 14

Thursday, April 10

thank you

I wasn't going to post until I had pictures ready to accompany, but I just needed to write to say thank you to you my friends for supporting me & the things I care about. From afar with messages and calls and from all of you who attended the show reception, I received your love and I was spoiled to be able to be surrounded by such great people all night. I am glad everyone mingled, ate and talked for some time.

It was ironic and nice to hear footsteps and laughter and greeting inside the "house". My friend said initially she wanted to shh people for talking loudly while observing art, but then thought, well they're comfortable in the home and that's a good thing!

I didn't know what to expect for a critique of the work, and was honestly nervous because I had been around the work so long, I had no idea what fresh eyes would see. I was thankful to hear different interpretations of the installation. Although I made the work with reason and specific symbolism in mind, the purpose of creating the home was to invite the viewer to think of home, whatever that is for them.

I learned so much from the entire process and needed to create something that could reflect my experience in the fine art classes I have taken in the last four years. Crazy how fast it all is going by.

One of my best friends, Melissa came from kansas for the show and I am so thankful she will be here for a great de-stressing weekend.

It was also very nice of my grandma suzy, pop and aunt karla to come from portland.


thank you all.

Monday, April 7

move in day

on saturday we installed the show! I had six generous friends join me for donuts at 6 am to load walls into Brad's trailor and caravan to NNU.
Brad is the fabulous framer who built the walls I designed to be the structure for the show. Without his skills I don't know if this would all be possible. Thank you Brad!
The other fine gents who used their muscles this day were dave w.,dad, papa Jerry, peter j., chris & reed. I felt so helpless holding the camera while these guys were honestly flipping walls over the awkward Brandt Center staircase. The structure was installed faster than expected because of the mighty strength and I have spent all following hours in the gallery piecing the home together. (until tonight)

I am pleased with the progress but I think I have been thinking about this and looking at it too long to fairly judge.

Last night Shaun, Reed and Tori kept me company and were wonderful puppeteers.
I am off to sleep. Oh how I've missed it so. I hope to see you who are able, Wednesday!

6-9, Wednesday 4.9.08
Freisen Galleries
Brandt Center
NNU




Wednesday, April 2

i've been looking like i'm working on the railroad



I have been working. Learning of a lot of potential problems. Trying to solve them. Trying to stay warm in the shop. Trying to be positive at 2am. Thankful for helpful friends who hold up boards while I draw & make brownies. and very excited for a few days from now!




(thanks tori!)

My time is very limited but I wanted to update with progress but not too much information to spoil.
I am headed back to the shop...happy wednesday

Friday, March 28

a good break

the usual speedy walk/gallop/tip toe to the bathroom after holding it during a movie took place this evening. two other ladies galloped even faster and I had to wait a minute or two. but while I was waiting, I was greeted with such a nice encounter. A new friend in line behind me smiled kindly. We then discussed that is was refreshing to see such a happy movie. The first word to describe the movies I usually enjoy watching, is 9 times out of 10, not "happy". But tonight it was, and that is what my neighbor and I appreciated. Kind of funny how the coming together to take a break from our lives to watch someone else's fictional one, can join strangers, and remind us that we're all okay.

Though, after this break I took tonight, I will go back to the painting jumpsuit and be perfectly content talking to myself about happy movies and other such things.

Oh and tomorrow the art department is suiting up to defeat the music department in the 1st annual kickball tournament! Yee-haw.

Tuesday, March 25

i am out of shape.

shock. i know.
i have been painting like mad and the entire right side of my body aches when taking just a step. nice. i'm okay with my body's response to work that i enjoy. & i got a jumpsuit to paint in every day to get in the zone immediately. it reminds me of a mexico missions trip our youth group took so long ago. Remember the jumpsuits in TJ travis?

Yesterday I was blessed with the opportunity to hang out with my friends' beautiful daughter who is almost 1. It is incredible to watch her think, process and communicate. With some cute dancing and head bobbing we shopped, had some gelato and saw the gibbons at the zoo. It was such a nice day.

While I was painting yesterday I stuck in the Shins most recent album, Wincing the Night Away.
I know I am a little late on this, but as it is sometimes hard to improve, grow and change, yet maintain the sound one is good at, when continuing to make albums, I do not believe the Shins struggled with this in this album. It is very pleasant album as a whole, the vocals were consistent with their old work, but I heard more variety and improvements with more of a full band, and it is simply nice to listen to.

Tonight we graduating designers will be critiqued by some Boise designers, black table cloths and all. So off to cut foam core! Pictures are coming soon

Friday, March 21

i need your help please.

If this sounds fun to you at all, I would be very thankful for your help as I am preparing for my art show.

What is your definition of home?
It can be as short or long, as simple or complex as you wish. These definitions will then be transfered onto paper that will eventually,when put all together, make a chandelier. Your names will not be attached, so do not be worried about that. You could post them or email them to me.
(thank you Beth for your great contribution)

With definitions from people around me, it makes the creating process more significant.
thank you!

This is a late picture of the supplies ready to be built into art. I am now further along, but I wrote that I would show you each step.

step 1 (minus countless sketches that are actually considered step 1)

Monday, March 17

the commercial part of me



is thankful for my year's turn at the robin's eggs.
and soon to come reeses eggs.
but no thank you, i'll pass on any sort of jelly bean.

Today I am able to work at my friend's boutique while she is on a buying trip. It is motivating to be in such a creative environment...but I am looking forward to tomorrow when I can get comfortable in the jumpsuit and paint until and after my arm is tired.

I am hearing of good adventures from canada, florida, portland & vegas from spring breaking friends, and just to let you know, Nampa is full of them too. We are doing just fine on this overcast day.

I hope all of you, my friends are having a good holy week, preparing ourselves for best part of Sunday.

Sunday, March 16

Friday, March 14

where i've been.

on my couch. though today i got up, went to screen printing and feel 60%.

i've been sick and i'm worried i've passed it on. i apologize if anyone must receive this dreadful influenza a. my friend kristin in kansas had the same thing at the same time, it's that bad. but who wants to read blogs about being sick. no one, just letting my recent fellow bloggers know where I have been.

I have decided instead of going to olympia with my dear roommates for spring break that I will stay in Nampa and work on my show the entire week. It will really pay off to be responsible on this one.

This afternoon, all senior design majors stood in the gallery, planning the details of our portfolio show. I'm already getting sad! I am so thankful for the time I have had in the always changing, always giving art department.
I am praying for discipline and sanity as I try to balance the completion of important tasks and the savoring of people.

Sunday, March 9

i bought real meat!



that would be two slabs (are they called slabs?) of top sirloin from the co op. (they care about quality)!

Steak is one of my very favorite foods.(if not THE favorite) and I really would love to be chef, so that whatever sounds good, I can make with healthy (most of the time) ingredients. I also look forward to being able to host company who also appreciate good food, and I will love the opportunity to make plates pretty.

This new role will not be fully realized until may, when I have more than 20 minutes in a meal time. But I will soon at least prepare some sirloin, and I will report back with the chosen glaze or topped reduction.

glaze? reduction? I have so much to learn.

2 weekend highlights:
-papa Jerry and I read some Kafka and Woolf, followed by grandma Barbara's waffles and bacon!
-a great time of taboo with reed, nate and i taking on chris and kristy. (they did okay)

full speed ahead on a very productive week!

Friday, March 7

welcome spring.



Although it has seemed long, I am thankful today and every day that winter isn't endless. or any season for that matter.
but especially winter.

and happy birthday to carlsbad!

go put on a short sleeved shirt

Tuesday, February 26

papa Jerry says,

"The way to eat a large elephant is one bite at a time."

I am sure someone else said this before my grandpa, and he more insightful thoughts of wisdom of social and Christian living, but for me, this week, I wanted to hear about the feat of eating an elephant.

So thank you to my grandpa.

How is that meal coming? I am progressing, only putting it in the fridge to sleep, eat, and work.

The good thing about this next month is, the work that is required of me is also exciting and the kind of challenge that pushes me to work, not ignore.

I am also learning that performing tasks that seem small, do infact help the result, or at least me in the process of achieving that result. Today I made a mini model of the construction for my art show and although by sight it serves as evidence as to why I am not a builder, it was very helpful for me to see dimension and the entire space. Making this model will better my work when I get to the permanent materials.

IF I knew where my camera battery was I would post a picture of the first real wall being made, but just imagine!

I am thankful for school. I am thankful for educated, passionate teachers. I am thankful that different people have different strengths and that mine is not science or math. I am thankful that some people are technical, like my friend Brad who is building part of the structure of the house for my show.
I am thankful that God made our bodies to require sleep.
I am thankful for the abundant meal of the elephant that will last me the next month or so, whether I grow tired of the taste or not.


(this is always the chair I want to sit in, while I am uncomfortable in my pretty wooden one, I thought I would share the dream)

Thursday, February 21

this will be short

due to the plug of my laptop which will only charge if my hand is holding it in place.

i just spent hour 20 on this week's screen printing project. after many learnings and mistakes i was just kicked out of the art building at midnight. the potential outcome for this process is endless and desirable, but apparently hard to get to.
here goes hope for the final day of tries tomorrow!

i was half relieved to be kicked out = sleep!

Tuesday, February 19

today i will write

for beth. for kathy. for stacey. for karla. for cindy. for travis. and that is probably all who read.
but i have been craving writing to you again.
I plan to post updates and progress on the creating of my art show
(april 9)
(( i post the date, mostly as a constant ticking clock for added pressure))
(((and to invite you my friends)))

It's actually really nice, I don't feel forced to work on the show at all. I want to. I guess it pays to end by working with materials in a way that feels natural.

I am working on balance. An attempted healthy ammount of excitement for the future and enjoyment of every second of the closing now. An attempted healthy ammount of working on the portfolio until I fall over and being okay with imperfections.

and! the sun does still exist and is "brightening" more days.

off to modern european history textbook. yes, i saved classes like these for my last semester! I will be posting photos of work on the show soon.

May we all be filled with hunger as we continue through the lenten season.